


Stitch My Heart (And Kiss It Better)

by r0tkappchen



Series: Above and Under [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Supernatural - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 04:00:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13286529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r0tkappchen/pseuds/r0tkappchen
Summary: He's worthless but Jongin doesn't agree.





	Stitch My Heart (And Kiss It Better)

It comes again, that feeling, a horrid stirring in his chest and stomach that would have had him puking if not for the fact that he can't.

 

It's the result of staring too long into a mirror that seems to glare back at him. The image reflected was of his own, of course, and Kyungsoo knows he shouldn't have kept his gaze lingering on the smooth plane of the glass when he happened to pass by the store, but he did anyway.

 

He notes the faint cracks on some parts of his skin, mostly on his hands, and he knows there's more of those under the long sleeves of the sweater he's wearing. His fingers, shot and stubby, are joined and attached together somewhat crookedly, as if it was the works of a child on random pieces of lego blocks. His skin is pale albeit greenish in several parts of his figure, and he thinks his black hair looks dull and dry under the sun. Then there's the stitches, all over his body, but one that outshines the others is the one around the base of his neck that keeps his head in place.

 

Kyungsoo feels the anxiety bubbling inside him like Baekhyun's boiling potions, and he turns away to blink rapidly as if the action can wipe away the image engrained into his head. He finds out that it can't.

 

He walks away from the spot, the bag of groceries in his left hand clutched tight as he makes his way up south, away from his home. He can't afford to see Jongin right now.

 

Jongin, his beloved Jongin. Jongin is beauty incarnate, a true definition of attractive more than fit for a vampire. Skin gloriously tanned with just a little hint of pale, dark hair thick and smooth as silk, body living up to his inhumane strength – Jongin is the exact opposite of all of Kyungsoo.

 

Yet Jongin had been the one to ask him out, to his everlasting surprise, when he was the one sneaking glances at the other. And when he first found Kyungsoo living in a hut near the cemetery of the humans, he didn't waste a second before he took Kyungsoo under his wing. And Jongin had been the most patient partner one can ask for, as he deals with Kyungsoo's problems, physical and emotional.

 

And it is months after that Jongin began to sought out a spell that'd help Kyungsoo. It worked, although it took time, because the stitches held his joints firmer now and his skin has become smoother than long before. And he can be a lot more physical now that it'd take more than a simple bump on a wooden chair to break his bones.

 

These things boost his confidence even for just a little bit over the time, coupled with Jongin's loving words. Kyungsoo knows he should be grateful and he truly is, but there are times like this, when he stands in a crowd on the streets and sees himself as the most hideous one, that the walls crumble and bits of his heart flies away.

 

In a world of mythical creatures prejudice isn't valid, there are too many different beings and what they are is in their nature. But no society is perfect – there are bound to be judgemental people in a community, even a few, some people who thinks highly of their kind with pride that beat the size of Yifan's pet dragon. And it is only his bad luck when he happens to bump into said assholes this particular day.

 

“Watch where you're going, zombie boy,” a member of the werewolf pack spat, looking down at him threateningly. “Or I'll rip your head off!”

 

The one standing close to the werewolf steps back, a look of pure disgust sent in the direction of his friend's chest where Kyungsoo had run into. “Ew gross, turn back around and go get your shirt washed or something!”

 

“Oh fuck fuck fuck--” the werewolf yowls, struggling to take off his shirt as his pack members laugh and cackle. It's a distraction enough and Kyungsoo takes his chance to flee the scene – he isn't one to fight anyway.

 

But the looks on their faces..the disgust was genuine, and Kyungsoo's chest constrict painfully. He should've gotten used to be treated as a plague, a rodent carrying germs and whatnot, but no, the pain of being shunned out just for being who he is comes fresh and full force.

 

His strides speeden into a jog. Depressing thoughts run around in his head like a freight train and he wonders his purpose of existence. He can't do labour, his brain has holes in some parts, and he has the worst kind of figure one can ever wish for. There is no service he can do for people, nothing he can contribute to, and some people like the pack he just met know how useless he is, how filthy. Kyungsoo has no place in this world, really.

 

He hadn't realised that his jog has turned into a run, the fastest he can manage on straining thighs and calves and almost-rotten feet. The path he takes is empty as he is in the least visited part of the town and when the old, run-down apartment comes in view he slams the door open.

 

The space is empty and cold, cobwebs decorating every corner of the ceiling and dust flying everywhere from the gush of wind the door made. A rat scurries into a hole by the wall, surprised by the sudden intrusion. This is where Kyungsoo used to live so long ago, when Ryeowook first dug him out and fixed him, before the kind wizard died at the age of five centuries old.

 

The heavy slab of wood closed behind him with a creak. The silence was deafening, and the lump in Kyungsoo's throat is finally let out in the form of a grunt that was supposed to be a sob. He opens his mouth and attempts to scream, but it comes out as a desperate wheeze instead. He does it again and again, futile attempts to let out his anguish pathetic to his own ears, and he wants to cry so badly but he has no tears despite the amount of drool running down his chin.

 

He pants heavily when he finally stops, the exertion taking toll to make his body tremble. The plastic bag has long been forgotten by the door. He slumps down on the dusty floor with a soft thump and crawls to one corner of the room, curling himself up against the wall with his knees up to his chest and face burried in his folded arms – the exact spot Ryeowok's shelf of potions used to stand in.

 

It's tiring, living this way, hated for no reason, all his life and in his death. He thought his miserable excuse of a life would've ended after the accident, but he was so, so wrong. Even in the world of the living dead, Kyungsoo will always be the thrash, the unwanted and unneeded, the scum of society.

 

When he was still a human, he had thought that his life couldn't get any worse – but he is proven wrong yet again, like he always has an always will be.

 

His body shakes from the force of his tearless sobs, muffled groans tumbling off the walls to bounce back at him.

 

He cries how a zombie cries until he falls asleep, the room dark with the sun long gone down, the rat from before watching over him solemnly from inside its home.

 

 

* * *

 

 

He wakes up on his back and and eyes staring up at a familiar ceiling, in a room cast in soft, orange hues of light from the lamp on the bedside table. The walls are a dark brown, though if a closer look would have revealed intricate flower patterns, and the velvety curtains are drawn close over the windows, but Kyungsoo knows it's nightime judging by the faint howl of a lone werewolf in the distance.

 

The bed creaks lightly when Kyungsoo makes to sit up, the duvet covering him sliding down with a rustle. His heart warms, knowing that it's none other than the Master of the house himself that had tucked him in – because no one would have put in so much care, would have known how to handle his body so gently so as not to disrupt any of his stitches. Not that the Master would let anyone do so; he has so little trust on other people to handle these kinds of things.

 

But amidst the warmth rises the cold jabbings of guilt as well, because Kyungsoo had been a burden for the other to come find him take him home. He swears he really didn't mean to fall asleep at the old house. He stares at his crooked fingers as he fiddles with the blankets, mind reeling as to what will he say should – when – the other confronts him about this. In retrospect, this isn't a first such happenings has occurred, being the third (fourth?) time Kyungsoo has strayed from his path and plans only to seek for a quiet place in search of solace – even if the spot is different from the last.

 

Which should be kind of useless really, because he never did found what he's looking for.

 

He lifts the blanket to step off the large bed, small, bare feet softly touching the carpeted floor. Kyungsoo finds the strength to stand, fighting the urge to curl into himself further beneath the blankets because the effects of the earlier events hasn't weared off just yet. He smiles bitterly to himself as his mind took a trip down memoryland, back during his time as a living when he used to sit for hours in the bath tub in his apartment, a razor blade in hand, though he never got around to actually cut himself – because Yixing was a great friend and looked better with his kind, dimpled smile instead of the concerned frown.

 

He walks over to the middle of the room; he has no idea what to do, really. Though one thing he's sure is that he thinks he's not ready to face Jongin – unprepared for the sad look in his dark eyes he would probably have when they face each other, the press of his lips when he's holding in his emotions. They say vampires don't feel, but Jongin can prove them all wrong, despite the effort he puts in to appear nonchalant and cold in front of others at times.

 

Fate has other plans for him, and Kyungsoo has long known that luck is a rare thing to come to his side – he probably used up today's bit when he escaped the wolves earlier.

 

The door doesn't creak when it opens, nor do Jongin's steps made any thumps when he appears at the threshold and steps inside. Kyungsoo's breath hitches, his right hand twitching nervously as the other closes the door behind him and walks further in to stand just a few metres aways from him. Jongin is handsome, devilishly so, clad in a simple white shirt, the first two buttons opened and hem untucked into the black pants that hug his lithe legs in just the most sinful ways. His hair is unstyled, though they're not messy either, but they shine nonetheless under the shower of what little light the bedside lamp provides. His eyes are piercing as they stare Kyungsoo down, and like the first time they met, Kyungsoo is enraptured – unable to tear his gaze away.

 

“Not more than 6, you promised,” Jongin begins, his arms crossing over his chest. “Kyungsoo, did something happen?”

 

Kyungsoo swears he can be a pro at hiding his feelings at times, but now, when he stands in front of Jongin, he's anything but. The subtle tensing of his shoulders doesn't go unnoticed by the elder, the slight shifting of his right foot, Jongin sees everything.

 

Kyungsoo chooses to stay tight-lipped, his eyes darting elsewhere because Jongin's stare is intense and he might just crumble beneath the weight. He's reluctant to admit, that much is obvious.

 

Jongin sighs.

 

It's quiet, but in the silence of the room, the sound is deafening and pierces through Kyungsoo's whole being.

 

 _He's tired_ , he thinks. _Of course he's tired of dealing with me_.

 

How naïve of him to believe that Jongin will forever be contempt of caring for him, shower a useless being such as him with love.

 

“Kyungsoo, please tell me what happened,” Jongin pleads, but no, Kyungsoo wouldn't fall.

 

He's frozen by the prospect, by the new realization.

 

And just as the taller is about to say something, Kyungsoo's voice rang in his head. ' _Why..do you want to know?'_

 

“What?”

 

 _'You heard me'_ , Kyungsoo grunts, still hasn't looked up at Jongin, ' _Why do you want to know?'_

 

“Because I care, of course I want to know,” Jongin furrows, “because I care for you.”

 

_'Why do you care?'_

 

The simple question throws Jongin off guard immensely. Though he answers with no hesitation, “Because I love you, Kyungsoo, can I not—”

 

 _'No,'_ Kyungsoo whimpers in front of Jongin, _'No, no, no! Liar!'_

 

In all hundreds of years of his existence, Jongin has never been this shocked. He dares a step forward, “Kyungsoo—”

 

 _'Don't,'_ and Jongin's heart breaks at the hysteric, panic look the smaller is wearing. Kyungsoo holds a hand up, eyes wide. _'Don't come any closer,'_ and as much as Jongin wants to defy, the step back Kyungsoo takes tells him not too. Kyungsoo misses the hurt flashing in Jongin's orbs from the action.

 

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin says queitly, “Why do you think that?”

 

Kyungsoo gulps, and Jongin waits patiently for him to answer. _'But why? Why do you love me?'_

 

“My soul chose you, can I not love you? I always have, and always will.”

 

 _'Why can't it be anyone else?'_ Kyungsoo's voice cracks.

 

“Kyungsoo, falling in love is not something I can control—”

 

 _'What is there to love about me?'_ Kyungsoo booms inside his head, cutting him off as his mouth opens to release a heartbreaking sob. _'Jongin can't you see? I'm not someone you can love, supposed to love! I'm just a lump of broken bones and rotting limbs! I'm useless! I'm a burden to you, to the whole world!'_

 

The words brings a heavy weight and Kyungsoo's tone is so, so broken. Jongin tries to let his voice come out commandingly but fails miserably when it trembles, “Kyungsoo, stop that right now.”

 

 _'If you do truly love me, then stop, stop loving me!_ _I'm not smart like Baekhyun, not strong like Chanyeol, I'm not beautiful like you! Just stop caring!'_ Kyungsoo cries, his face contorted in unrestricted pain as he pulls at his hair, claws at his arms. _'I'm held together by stitches, I'm so, so weak, I'm so ugly! Do you even see my skin tone? I'm a zombie, a monster! Jongin, I'm so disgusting! Jongin!'_

 

“Kyungsoo, stop!” Jongin yells, for the first time directed at Kyungsoo, because he can't take anymore of the horrible lies the cruel part of his lover's mind has made up. “This is foolish! Do you even realise what you're saying?”

 

 _'Tell me if you're tired of me,'_ Kyungsoo sobs violently, _'Kick me out and send me back to the cemetery, stop me from being a burden to you. Let me know that I gross you out, that I taint your eyes just by looking at me!_

 

_'Just tear my limbs, rip me apart!!'_

 

Jongin's body crashes into his and Kyungsoo cries the hardest he's ever done, helpless grunts and sobs spewing out loud. The vampire's strong arms are wrapped around his shaking figure and no no no I'm dirtying him, but Jongin holds him with all the love and care in the world. “I said stop, please.”

 

There is so much sorrow in his voice, and Kyungsoo's hands on Jongin's shirt is shivering. _'Jongin—'_

 

“You, you said I'm a liar, but it's the other way round,” Jongin begins, voice next to his ear. “There is so, so much to love about you, it's so sad, Soo, that you can't see it because if you see what _I_ see, feel what _I_ feel everytime I look at you, you'd cry for witnessing something so _ethereal_.”

 

 _'Jongin, no,'_ Kyungsoo whimpers, burying his face into the taller's broad shoulder, _'I'm tainting you,'_ but his fingers don't listen and clutch tighter.

 

“Don't push me away, Soo,” Jongin says, the hint of desperation in his tone is foreign and heart-shattering all at once. “You're so insecure about yourself, it hurts. It hurts so much. Love, you're much more than a lump of bones and limbs, you're _Kyungsoo_. And what my heart, my soul seek isn't intelligence, isn't strength, isn't perfection. They seek for someone to complete me, to fit with me, fill the voids, to love me back and be one with me; to become perfection _together_.” Jongin presses a kiss to his temple, his lips staying there as he hugs the smaller closer.

 

 _'But Jongin,'_ if he actually has tears Jongin's shirt would've been drenched right now, _'I'm so dirty, I'm not worth it.'_

 

“That's the monster talking Soo,” Jongin mouths against his hairline. “You bring me back up when I fall, understands me most when no one does. Keep me warm at home and help me keep the beast in me at bay. Make me see things I never realised before, teach me and show me the kind of warmth I've never known, feelings I've never thought I'm capable of. You make my unbeating heart feels like it's alive, a feeling I've long forgotten. Is my love not enough to chase away your fears?”

 

Kyungsoo feels a drop of warmth wetting his temple, just next to Jongin's lips.

 

“You just never realised it, how much you mean to me.”

 

Then another,

 

and another.

 

The walls crumble completely – his breath hitches and he whimpers, chest filled with too much emotion because Jongin, _The Vampire_ , is crying.

 

Jongin doesn't let him pull away, tightening his arms. “You might have forgotten what your voice sounds like when you're talking, but I don't; I can never. I listen to an angelic voice everyday when I listen to you talk to me in my head, when you mindlessly hum a tune you've heard from when you're living. You think you're ugly, but your smile, Soo, lords, your smile – they light up the whole world and I don't care if I have to fix your seams everytime after you grin wide or laugh. You think you're a burden, but you never were; the real burden is when you let the negativity overpower you and you refuse to let me in, because it pains me to see _you_ in pain and sit somewhere not able to help.”

 

Kyungsoo has no words, doesn't reply to anything he's said and instead hugs the taller male and it's a good sign, that he's taking Jongin's words in. This isn't, of course, the first time he's hugged the taller but it still muses him how someone supposedly cold-blooded can make him feel so warm, give him a sense of home and such comfort; keep him safe from the world.

 

Kyungsoo knows now that no matter where he runs to, hides in, peace and solace are only found in the embrace of his lover.

 

“We can still fix you, patch you up and make you more human. But Soo, you're beautiful in my eyes, however you are. I love you so, so much. Never, ever, propose something so cruel as r-ripping you..”

 

The vampire releases a shuddering breath. Jongin pulls his head back just enough so that he can face Kyungsoo, catching his eyes with his own and lords, how is it possible for a pair of orbs to be so breathtakingly beautiful. The older rests his forehead against Kyungsoo's, and presses a soft, lingering kiss to his lips.

 

“You're worth _everything_ Soo,” Jongin mutters, thumbing away the first ever tear that has ever fallen from Kyungsoo's eyes, “Maybe not my life, because I'm dead..” Kyungsoo chuckles a little and Jongin smiles fondly. He closes his eyes.

 

“..But my forever. _Our_ forever.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> :)


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